My Top 10 Networking Gems, Just for You

So I checked out two top 10 lists this week about networking myths and ways to change the world with LinkedIn. Here is my top 10 list for successful networking:

1. Enter a conversation with someone you know and start laughing and smiling a lot. Be loud so other people can hear you, it will draw them into you and make them think you're fun to be around.

2. Wear something very unique so you stand out from the crowd. I recommend a powder blue tuxedo.

3. Find the most important person in the room (the guy or girl that everyone is trying to talk to) look them directly in the eyes, give a little head tilt, and keep right on walking. It will infuriate them and make them want to seek you out.

4. Fake an illness and make a dramatic showing of collapsing onto the floor. Instant attention. Slip you business cards into their pockets while they try and "revive" you.

5. Instead of "traditional" (read: boring) business cards, give out $1 bills with a post-it note of your contact information on them.

6. Invite people to a really swanky party at an upscale venue, then call to cancel on account of the dreaded "double booking" but also say you should still get together for that business meeting you were going to have.

7. Threaten whoever you're talking to into getting their business. They might just give it to you to make you go away.

8. Talk about how many Facebook and Twitter followers you have. People will love how popular you are in the virtual world.

9. Call up an escort service and try to get them to send you the most beautiful man or woman they have. Introduce her as your "serious girlfriend" and people will think you're a good deal-closer.

10. Don't be yourself. Nobody likes you, that's why you're reading this list.